McDonalds staff patiently explain calorie count is not price tag

STAFF at McDonalds are to spend the next three years patiently explaining that the number next to the photo of the food is the calorie count, not the price.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

The burger giant has introduced the calorie information for God knows what reason, but insists it is absolutely vital that customers understand what these numbers mean.

A spokesman said: “Our dizzying array of top quality pulped animals already causes long hold-ups at the tills. We need to find a quick and efficient way of explaining  that a Chicken Legend does not cost £535.

“Because when we’ve done that we will then have to explain what a calorie is to someone who doesn’t know what a cow is.

“And that takes fucking ages.”

He added: “We have set out a three year timetable because you know as well as I do that most of these simians will need to be told at least 500 times.”

Emma Bradford, who emerged from the Doncaster branch of McDonalds smeared with cheese and mayonnaise, said: “They said it were number of cows in it or summat.

“I thought cows were the size of dogs, but turns out they must be the size of peas.”

Bradford’s companion, Roy Hobbs, who has had it explained to him 15 times, thus far, added: “Am not payin’ four hundred and ninety pound for a fookin’ burger. You can fook off.”