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NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG WITH GIGANTIC NEW BANK |
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HBOS and Lloyds TSB last night created a monstrous new banking entity safe in the knowledge that nothing can possibly go wrong.
 Titanic has been sailing between Southampton and New York for more than 90 years
Martin Bishop, a senior trader at Madeley Finnegan, said: "History tells us that massive financial institutions do not fail. Ever. Okay, there is maybe a tiny handful of exceptions.
"Okay, maybe 40 or 50 exceptions. Actually, you're right, this is starting to look really dodgy. If you'll excuse me, I have to start selling the shit out of Lloyds TSB."
As shares in the new banking giant plummeted, the government came under renewed pressure to stop people wanting lots of money.
A Treasury spokesman said: "We've devised a regulatory framework that will effectively ban greed and no-one will ever be able to find a way round it. At least for the first six months. Probably."
Meanwhile Downing Street sources let it be known the prime minister played a key part in securing the deal which will put 40,000 people out of work.
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