Business

Easily-amused face communication crisis

THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.

Old bastard attacked by useless shower of piss

A SNEAKY old bastard was last night attacked by people who have made a career in politics.

Myspace spots gap in market for old version of Facebook

FORGOTTEN social network Myspace is to stage a comeback by using the version of Facebook that everyone thought was absolutely fine.

Racist cake orders up 2,000 per cent

SPECIALITY bakers across the country are struggling to cope with a record demand for horribly racist cakes.

All three versions will be shit, promise Microsoft

THE Windows 8 operating system will come in three varieties of ball-shrinking awfulness, Microsoft has promised.

Bookies suspend betting on prick becoming mayor

BOOKMAKERS have stopped taking bets that the next London Mayor will be a bellend.

Middle-managers welcome new blame culture detector

OFFICES are to be revolutionised by a device that detects challenge­-averse working practices including blame culture and failure to think out of the box.

Friends Reunited to do one of the things that Facebook does

FRIENDS Reunited has relaunched with a pledge to be not bad at one of the things that has made Facebook enormous.