Business

Bounty Hunter launched as first coconut bar for men

COCONUT chocolate bar Bounty is now available in a male version called Bounty Hunter.

Delayed Gatwick passengers forced to drill for oil

PASSENGERS delayed at Gatwick Airport will be forced into slavery on a nearby oilfield.

Aldi and Waitrose like Batman and the Joker

SWORN adversaries Aldi and Waitrose need each other on some weird level, it has been claimed.

Living near a Waitrose makes you a 12 per cent better person

A WAITROSE within a mile of your home improves your wisdom, altruism and lovemaking by 12 per cent.

M&S clothing sales up as Britain stops caring about appearance

BRITAIN has returned to buying clothes from Marks and Spencer after realising that caring about appearances is shallow and worthless.

Bosses hired on ability to sack people while eating a sandwich

THE key qualification for being a business leader is the ability to fire people while consuming food.

Men will keep going to B&Q every week even if it no longer exists

MEN have confirmed plans to continue going to B&Q on Saturdays, even if it is just to claw at the locked gates.

Range Rover unveils most depressing vehicle in history

THE very existence of a new £150k Range Rover is enough to make you want to kill yourself, it has been claimed.