REPORTS of big shops' Christmas sales figures have left Britons baffled and mildly anxious.
THE government is calling on shoppers to source more of their pointless, dreadful food from British farmers.
MORE Britons than ever are driving around in brand new cars like a bunch of total ponces.
BRITAIN’S pubs will have a section of the bar reserved for people who know what they’re doing this Christmas.
WAITROSE has launched its neighbor-trumping 23-bird Deluxe Roast.
FACEBOOK has launched a feature allowing users to express pleasure when friends post bad news.
IF the NSA keeps spying on the internet consumers will return to vinyl records and films on tape, massive companies have warned.
MOST people who read Monocle magazine are still based in their childhood bedroom, it has emerged.