Business

Our burgers would contain race horses, says Waitrose

WAITROSE beefburgers do not contain horses but if they did they would be thoroughbreds, the supermarket has confirmed.

Snow hails South-East focused PR strategy

THE snow has praised its PR and marketing team for this year's 'South East: It's All White' campaign.

Blockbuster blames plucky local film shop

CORPORATE entertainment behemoth Blockbuster has lost its 14-year battle with quirky local film shop 'Cinephiles'.

Shops under threat as animals start selling things

HIGH street shops face a new threat as animals have begun selling an array of consumer goods.

Quirky cafes 'increasingly run by bastards posing as dickheads'

DICKHEAD-STYLE 'indie' coffee shops may actually be run by bastards, it has been claimed.

Illuminati announces record sales of Toblerone

THE secret society running the world has announced a 43% increase in Christmas sales of its popular Toblerone bar.

Limited edition yoghurts 'are top investment buy'

YOGHURTS in temporarily-available flavours will become valuable nest eggs, experts have claimed.

Neglected gerbil establishes successful internet business

A GERBIL forgotten by its owners survived by establishing a thriving online business selling self-tapping screws, it has emerged.