Business

Key financial decisions now based on free toy

BRITONS will spend any amount of money in order to get a 'plush toy', it has emerged.

RBS chief to get bonus or legal fees and bonus

THE taxpayer will have to pay for Stephen Hester's bonus or pay for his bonus and his lawyers, it has been confirmed.

I can destroy you, Moira Stewart tells self-assessment taxpayers

MOIRA Stewart, the all-seeing God of Tax, has warned of great suffering for those self-employed workers whose forms displease her.

McDonald's introduces 'Bring Your Bassist to Work Day'

STAFF at McDonald's have enjoyed their first Bring Your Favourite Britpop Bassist to Work Day.

Standard & Poor's upgrades itself

CREDIT rating agency Standard & Poor's has upgraded itself to Triple-A Plus Super Fantastic.

Past Times give workers Ye Olde Sacke

PANIC gift purchase store Past Times has made 574 workers redundant today via the medium of town crier.


Britain may have to do some actual work

BRITAIN faces the prospect of having to remove its finger from its arse.

Clegg wants unbearably middle class economy with shit adverts

NICK Clegg wants the British economy to be filled with middle class kitchen utensils and adverts made by bastards.