Business

Apple to charge iPad owners for central heating

OWNERS of the iPad 3 will have to pay Apple a monthly fee for all the heat it generates.

Government to become Northern Rock

THE government is to turn itself into the defunct mortgage company Northern Rock, Downing Street has confirmed.

Kate Moss billboard collapse ‘an omen of second recession’

THE fall of a Kate Moss hoarding onto shoppers augurs another recession, according to financial soothsayers.

iPad 3 buyers must undergo series of degrading trials

PEOPLE who want an iPad 3 must complete a series of deliberately humiliating challenges, Apple CEO Tim Cook has confirmed.

Superyacht sets new standards in prick-focused design

A VAST floating pleasure palace is the ultimate prick machine, its designers have claimed.

All we're trying to do is read your mind, says Google

GOOGLE has insisted its new privacy policy is nothing more than a simplified method for collecting every last detail about you until it becomes you.

Please buy a Blackberry Playbook, says guilt-ridden Apple

ELECTRONICS giant Apple has begun promoting Blackberry's unfortunate tablet machine out of a mixture of pity and guilt.

Jobless offered free glimpse into very slightly better future

BRITAIN'S unemployed are being offered the chance to experience what life might be like if they had an extra £7.50 a week.