Business

Banks create 340,000 scapegoat roles

THE UK's banks have provided a major boost to the economy by creating a third of a million jobs for professional blame-takers.

Bank of England 'thought Libor was a brand of toilet cleaner'

THE Bank of England inadvertently sanctioned the manipulation of interest rates because it thought Libor was a powerful disinfectant.

Bank does bad maths thing

Public comprehends words 'dude' and 'Bollinger' in otherwise mysterious event.

Sentimental bread advert made by people on cocaine

A TOUCHING, big-hearted bread advert was made by a group of arrogant cocaine users, it has emerged.

World's first heterosexual lolly launched

ICE lolly manufacturers have responded to demand for a product that in no way resembles a cock.

Cameron brings back slavery

PRIME Minister David Cameron has announced business-friendly changes to UK employment laws including the reintroduction of slavery.

Easily-amused face communication crisis

THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.

Old bastard attacked by useless shower of piss

A SNEAKY old bastard was last night attacked by people who have made a career in politics.