Business

Olympics-themed office fun 'not fun'

OLYMPICS-RELATED office 'fun' only serves to highlight the shitness of work, it has emerged.

Banks reassure customers that no savings will be passed on to them

THE UK’s borrowers and mortgage-holders have been reassured that yesterday’s interest rate cut will not affect their monthly repayments.

One in five HSBC cashpoint transactions to release snakes

TWENTY per cent of HSBC cashpoint withdrawals will release deadly venomous snakes in order to restore the bank’s profits, they have confirmed.

I took a big pay cut to follow my dream, says patronising wanker

A FORMER banker who is now a baker cannot help mentioning how much money he used to earn.

Greggs introduces healthy options for weak, scared people

BAKER Greggs has unveiled a series of lighter menu options for people who lack the integrity to buy a sausage roll.

Houses to be sold at checkouts to encourage impulse buyers

PROPERTY is to be placed in eye-catching displays at supermarket and garage tills to encourage impulse home ownership, the government has announced.

McDonald’s in weird position of being the ‘ethical burger’

MCDONALD'S has become an ethical burger chain by a process of elimination.

Woman gets desirable job because of merit

A WOMAN has landed a sought-after job because of her ability rather than some complex network of personal connections.