Business

Middle-managers welcome new blame culture detector

OFFICES are to be revolutionised by a device that detects challenge­-averse working practices including blame culture and failure to think out of the box.

Friends Reunited to do one of the things that Facebook does

FRIENDS Reunited has relaunched with a pledge to be not bad at one of the things that has made Facebook enormous.

Cameron begins search for new pimp

DOWNING Street has advertised for an experienced prostitution agent.

Apple to charge iPad owners for central heating

OWNERS of the iPad 3 will have to pay Apple a monthly fee for all the heat it generates.

Government to become Northern Rock

THE government is to turn itself into the defunct mortgage company Northern Rock, Downing Street has confirmed.

Kate Moss billboard collapse ‘an omen of second recession’

THE fall of a Kate Moss hoarding onto shoppers augurs another recession, according to financial soothsayers.

iPad 3 buyers must undergo series of degrading trials

PEOPLE who want an iPad 3 must complete a series of deliberately humiliating challenges, Apple CEO Tim Cook has confirmed.

Superyacht sets new standards in prick-focused design

A VAST floating pleasure palace is the ultimate prick machine, its designers have claimed.