Business

G4S unveils ED-209

SECURITY company G4S has revealed its solution to their Olympics staffing shortfall – Enforcement Droid Series 209.

Tulip bulb mania returns to Europe

SAVERS in Britain, Germany and France are taking their funds out of the banking system and putting them into tulip bulbs.

Banks create 340,000 scapegoat roles

THE UK's banks have provided a major boost to the economy by creating a third of a million jobs for professional blame-takers.

Bank of England 'thought Libor was a brand of toilet cleaner'

THE Bank of England inadvertently sanctioned the manipulation of interest rates because it thought Libor was a powerful disinfectant.

Bank does bad maths thing

Public comprehends words 'dude' and 'Bollinger' in otherwise mysterious event.

Sentimental bread advert made by people on cocaine

A TOUCHING, big-hearted bread advert was made by a group of arrogant cocaine users, it has emerged.

World's first heterosexual lolly launched

ICE lolly manufacturers have responded to demand for a product that in no way resembles a cock.

Cameron brings back slavery

PRIME Minister David Cameron has announced business-friendly changes to UK employment laws including the reintroduction of slavery.