Business

Clegg wants unbearably middle class economy with shit adverts

NICK Clegg wants the British economy to be filled with middle class kitchen utensils and adverts made by bastards.

Bonus curb could lead to 'arsehole drain'

PLANS to curb executive pay could lead to an exodus of money-grubbing dicks, experts have warned.

La Senza pins hopes on Human Centipede range

STRUGGLING lingerie giant La Senza is to relaunch with the introduction of a new range inspired by the Human Centipede films.

Murdoch tweets minutiae of world domination

RUPERT Murdoch is to use Twitter to share his everyday, random thoughts about controlling everything in the world.

Britain is our bitch, says Goldman Sachs

BRITAIN is Goldman Sach's bitch and Goldman Sach's bitch better have its money, it has been confirmed.

RBS collapse 'not caused by the ghost of a dog'

THE failure of the Royal Bank of Scotland was caused by bad decisions rather than the ghost of a Border collie, it has emerged.

Satan missing from leaked Zuckerberg photos

THE Lord of Darkness does not appear in any of the leaked private photos of Mark Zuckerberg.

Children who see Muppet movie want even more stuff

THE new Muppet movie is stoking children's desire for even more cheaply made plastic things, it has been confirmed.