Business
Dumped Woman In Bid To Corner Global Cocoa Market
GLOBAL cocoa prices have increased sharply after 28 year-old PA Nikki Hollis was dumped by her long-term boyfriend.
Tesco To Sandwichalise Anything
SUPERMARKET giant Tesco is offering a sandwichalisation service, giving customers the chance to place any form of matter between two slices of bread.
O'Leary Apologises To Leprechauns For Stealing Their Gold
RYANAIR chief executive Michael O'Leary has asked the little people of Ireland to forgive him for stealing their precious gold.
Jedward Turned Into Subway Filling
TRAGIC pop accident Jedward is to be eaten in a bap as part of a special offer meal deal at Subway.
Happiness Finally Available In Department Stores
AFTER a lengthy period of product development, Happiness hit the shelves of major stores today, priced £12.99.
Ikea Using Gas That Makes You Forget Your Last Visit
FURNITURE giant Ikea is using memory-wiping gas to make customers forget
how awful their visit has been, it was claimed yesterday.
Microsoft Unveils Xbox That Plays Itself
THE new Xbox allows gamers to reclaim their lives by playing itself, it was revealed last night.
BP Execs Look At Massive Oil Slick, Then At Each Other
BP executives are today standing on the Louisiana shoreline, looking at each other with furrowed brows and occasionally skimming a pebble across the oily water, it has been confirmed.