Business

Blackpool not clean enough for giant gas refinery

SHALE gas operations can only start in Blackpool once the town meets minimum environmental standards.

IMF warns recession could be lurking in your shed

ECONOMISTS have warned there could be a two-headed recession lurking in every garden in Britain.

Energy companies to pretend wives were in charge

BRITAIN'S biggest energy providers are to set up 'wife companies' to take the blame whenever they are accused of profiteering.

Bosses could be forced to feel something about their massive salaries

BRITAIN'S bosses could soon be forced to have thoughts and feelings about their enormous amounts of money, it has been announced.

Confusion as banker arrested for losing vast amount of money

THERE was widespread confusion today after a banker was arrested for losing billions of pounds.

Supermarket forced to withdraw advert featuring happy customers

A TELEVISION advert for Tesco featuring cheerful humans roaming its aisles is misleading, a watchdog has ruled.

Banks to find way of risking your happiness

BRITAIN'S banks have pledged that industry reform will not prevent them from toying with your pathetic life.

McDonalds staff patiently explain calorie count is not price tag

STAFF at McDonalds are to spend the next three years patiently explaining that the number next to the photo of the food is the calorie count, not the price.