Business

HSBC fined for not taking gold teeth

BASTARD factory HSBC has been fined £40m by the Financial Services Authority for failing to ransack old people's bedrooms.

Give everyone five grand and let's start again, says Bank of England

THE global economy should be started again from scratch and everyone given £5,000 each, Mervyn King has claimed.

Zuckerberg surprised Facebook still works

BILLIONAIRE embryo Mark Zuckerberg has expressed shock that his school project website hasn't broken yet.

Osborne to add 114 lanes to the M6

GEORGE Osborne is to keep adding lanes to the M6 until everyone has money again.

High pay report calls for piss to be directed at wind

A REPORT into executive pay has called for a radical reform of how wind is combined with piss.

Ryanair to phase out passengers

RYANAIR boss Michael O’Leary is to end passengers.

Osborne to use £747m from Northern Rock sale to bail out new owners

GEORGE Osborne will use the £747 million from the sale of Northern Rock to bail it out again sometime next year.

Pope and Imam 'would make horrible couple'

POPE Benedict and Imam Ahmed Mohamed el-Tayeb would be a really horrible couple, it has been confirmed.