Yahoo unveils plan to make users hate it

YAHOO'S radical new PR strategy involves making all its customers want to strangle it.

Royal Mail promises to keep long parcel queues

THE traditional 40-minute wait to collect a parcel will be unaffected by Royal Mail privatisation, it has been claimed.

Eggs to buy Twitter

THE forthcoming Twitter flotation is set to attract massive investment from the social network's thriving egg community.

Miliband unveils first energy price increase

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband has announced the first of his promised hikes in the price of gas and electricity.

Blackberry bought by consortium of teenagers

THE makers of Blackberry have been bought by teens eager to keep their favourite hook-up network intact.

Apple supermarket to sell sleek tech-beans

APPLE has retaliated against Tesco's tablet computer by opening a minimalist supermarket selling forward-thinking foods.

Facebook to become fully automated

FACEBOOK is to replace users' boring posts with exciting fictional versions.

M&S not sure if it is a shop anymore

MARKS & Spencer is unsure whether it is a supermarket or a quasi-spiritual organisation offering the promise of a better life.