Business

Murdochs know far less about News International than you do

YOU know considerably more about News International than Rupert Murdoch and his son James, it has been confirmed.

Britain switches to burning energy company executives

CASH-STRAPPED Britons have announced plans to heat their homes by incinerating energy bosses.

Rebekah Brooks must know some serious shit

REBEKAH Brooks is clearly keeping the Murdochs out of jail, it has emerged.

Murdoch reeling as glamour models pull kiss-and-tell sexcapades

BRITAIN'S topless models have threatened to withdraw their thrilling tales of rump-pumpy from the News Of The World.

Firms urged to hire stupid little shits

BRITISH businesses have been urged to hire surly, undereducated malcontents because at least they are not foreign.

Elderly Australian man satisfied with purchase

AN Australian pensioner today declared the British government to be excellent value for money.

Mobile phone companies step up mission to make world a better place

MOBILE phone operators have confirmed they will need more money to achieve their sole aim of bringing the whole world together.

Shop selling expensive, uncomfortable things to close

A SHOP which sells really uncomfortable sofas for £3000 is to close down.