Business

Living near a Waitrose makes you a 12 per cent better person

A WAITROSE within a mile of your home improves your wisdom, altruism and lovemaking by 12 per cent.

M&S clothing sales up as Britain stops caring about appearance

BRITAIN has returned to buying clothes from Marks and Spencer after realising that caring about appearances is shallow and worthless.

Bosses hired on ability to sack people while eating a sandwich

THE key qualification for being a business leader is the ability to fire people while consuming food.

Men will keep going to B&Q every week even if it no longer exists

MEN have confirmed plans to continue going to B&Q on Saturdays, even if it is just to claw at the locked gates.

Range Rover unveils most depressing vehicle in history

THE very existence of a new £150k Range Rover is enough to make you want to kill yourself, it has been claimed.

Savoy Hotel closes after bad TripAdvisor review

LONDON hotel The Savoy has closed its doors after more than 125 years following a one-star TripAdvisor review.

BBC licence to be replaced by Poldark stud fees

THE BBC’s new funding plan is based on hiring out Poldark for breeding purposes.

Unchecked immigration will lead to economic growth, warn experts

ECONOMISTS have warned that unless immigration is drastically reduced the UK faces the biggest boom since the 1980s.