Hurry up and die, Britain tells Tesco

BRITAIN has asked Tesco if it could stop dragging it out and just die.

Public to buy Lloyds and destroy it

ORDINARY Britons are to buy Lloyds bank so that they can send it back to the hell from which it came.

All companies now have punk ethos

EVERY company is now claiming to have a 'punk ethos' that drives it forward.

Everyone in hot desking office sits in same place every day

EMPLOYEES have responded to an innovative office hot desking policy by developing fierce territorial instincts.

Terrified Shell flees Arctic as quickly as possible

OIL giant Shell has refused to discuss what it found deep below the surface of the Arctic.

Couple planning epic supermarket crawl

A COUPLE will spend Friday night attempting to do all the big five supermarkets in a single shopping trip.

Public deliberately misled on whether cars can make you cool

MOTOR manufacturers deliberately misled consumers into believing car purchase could make them cool, it has emerged.

Superyacht mostly used for watching telly

A BILLIONAIRE has confirmed that his £300 million ‘superyacht’ is only used for activities that could be carried out in an average sitting room.