Business

Biscuits violently prejudiced against Jaffa Cakes

BISCUITS have responded triumphantly to the news that packets of the hated Jaffa Cakes will now be smaller.

Left-wing Londoner pretending to be pleased about Uber ban

A GUARDIAN-reading Londoner is hailing the Uber ban as a victory for worker’s rights despite being secretly pissed off.

New dating app launched for Remainers incapable of discussing anything else

OBSESSIVE Remain voters who have lost the ability to think about any other topic now have their own dating app.

Black cab drivers to revel in victory over Uber for centuries to come

LONDON drivers have already started to relate to their passengers the Great Saga of the Black Cabs’ Triumph over Uber which will be told for centuries to come.

We are cruising at 36,000ft and I hate these bastards even more than you do, announces Ryanair pilot

THE pilot of a Ryanair flight has announced that the plane is cruising at 36,000ft, that skies are clear all the way to Madrid, and that he hates his employer more than you ever could.

42-year-old realises teenage babysitting gig was best job she’ll ever have

A 42-YEAR-OLD woman has realised that her cash-in-hand babysitting job 28 years ago, where she was paid for watching telly and eating crisps, was her career high.

Best laid plans of mice and men 'f**ked up by Ryanair'

THE classic Rabbie Burns poem about the ‘best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men’ has been amended to make it clear that it is Ryanair that ruins them. 

Ryanair cancellations 'act of kindness in many ways'

FLIGHT cancellations mean that thousands will be spared the ordeal of travelling with Ryanair, it has emerged.