Business

Three in five Tesco stores are overgrown ruins

SIXTY per cent of Tesco stores are roofless wrecks inhabited by tribes of feral monkeys, auditors have found.

 

Attractive staff 'a sign of pervert boss'

COMPANIES with unusually attractive staff are likely to be run by creepy people, it has been claimed.

Tena is coolest brand

INCONTINENCE specialist Tena has been vote the UK’s coolest brand.

100 per cent of slaves in full employment

SLAVES across the world are fully employed for the 4,600th year since records began.

RBS says relocation is scare story and true story

RBS said it will definitely move to London after independence, but admitted that must be really scary for Alex Salmond.

Women somehow not patronised by all advertising

FOR some reason women do not feel utterly patronised by all advertising, researchers have found.

Al-Qaeda’s Indian branch to offer key-cutting

AL-QAEDA has opened a branch in India offering jihad, anti-western diatribes and two keys for a pound.

The Shard turned into a charity shop

LONDON’S tallest building has become Europe’s biggest branch of Cancer Research.