CHIMPANZEES are currently being trained up to take your job.
HSBC is to move its HQ from London and is considering an offer from the pirate king of Somalia.
LONDONERS are competing to plunge into quirky, independently-run holes in the pavement.
SUPERMARKET shoppers have told Which? they are fully aware that they are being ripped off but still want to live.
A MOB with flaming torches has laid waste to Castle Wonga, home of the evil Count Wongula.
COCONUT chocolate bar Bounty is now available in a male version called Bounty Hunter.
PASSENGERS delayed at Gatwick Airport will be forced into slavery on a nearby oilfield.
SWORN adversaries Aldi and Waitrose need each other on some weird level, it has been claimed.
- Living near a Waitrose makes you a 12 per cent better person
- M&S clothing sales up as Britain stops caring about appearance
- Bosses hired on ability to sack people while eating a sandwich
- Men will keep going to B&Q every week even if it no longer exists
- Range Rover unveils most depressing vehicle in history