Business

Osborne to add 114 lanes to the M6

GEORGE Osborne is to keep adding lanes to the M6 until everyone has money again.

High pay report calls for piss to be directed at wind

A REPORT into executive pay has called for a radical reform of how wind is combined with piss.

Ryanair to phase out passengers

RYANAIR boss Michael O’Leary is to end passengers.

Osborne to use £747m from Northern Rock sale to bail out new owners

GEORGE Osborne will use the £747 million from the sale of Northern Rock to bail it out again sometime next year.

Pope and Imam 'would make horrible couple'

POPE Benedict and Imam Ahmed Mohamed el-Tayeb would be a really horrible couple, it has been confirmed.

Osborne helps by saying France is about to explode

GEORGE Osborne has helped to ease the financial crisis by pointing at France and shouting a lot.

Ailing JJB targets people who do sport

TROUBLED sloth-wear vendor JJB Sports is to market its goods at sporty people.

Government gives £1bn to builders instead of you

THE government is to boost the economy by giving £1bn to some builders instead of you and your friends.