Business

iPhones resign

THE world's iPhones have resigned, it has been confirmed.

Ikea shoppers are Nazis too, say experts

PEOPLE who buy things from Ikea are obviously Nazis, scientists confirmed last night.

Gap Year Land opens near Tenby

A NEW theme park will offer juggling, weed smoking and infectious diseases to students unable to afford to take a year out.

Not enough graduates know about Freudian subtext in 'Alien 3', say employers

TOO many graduates have an insufficient knowledge of the psychosexual elements of the Alien films, industry leaders have warned.

Rail bosses pledge to improve infrastructure of their gigantic houses

TRAIN fare hikes are vital if rail executives are to double the size of their humongous homes by 2015, it was claimed last night.

News International cat incredibly far from bag

THE News International cat was at least 2,000 miles from its bag, it was estimated last night.

Housing market affected by houses being on fire

ESTATE agents are struggling to find buyers for Britain's increasing number of on-fire homes, it has emerged.

Four year-old girl to run Royal Bank of Scotland

FOUR year-old Gemma Logan has been unveiled as the new chief executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland.