Business

Myspace spots gap in market for old version of Facebook

FORGOTTEN social network Myspace is to stage a comeback by using the version of Facebook that everyone thought was absolutely fine.

Racist cake orders up 2,000 per cent

SPECIALITY bakers across the country are struggling to cope with a record demand for horribly racist cakes.

All three versions will be shit, promise Microsoft

THE Windows 8 operating system will come in three varieties of ball-shrinking awfulness, Microsoft has promised.

Bookies suspend betting on prick becoming mayor

BOOKMAKERS have stopped taking bets that the next London Mayor will be a bellend.

Middle-managers welcome new blame culture detector

OFFICES are to be revolutionised by a device that detects challenge­-averse working practices including blame culture and failure to think out of the box.

Friends Reunited to do one of the things that Facebook does

FRIENDS Reunited has relaunched with a pledge to be not bad at one of the things that has made Facebook enormous.

Cameron begins search for new pimp

DOWNING Street has advertised for an experienced prostitution agent.

Apple to charge iPad owners for central heating

OWNERS of the iPad 3 will have to pay Apple a monthly fee for all the heat it generates.