Shops under threat as animals start selling things

HIGH street shops face a new threat as animals have begun selling an array of consumer goods.

Quirky cafes increasingly run by bastards posing as dickheads

DICKHEAD-STYLE 'indie' coffee shops may actually be run by bastards, it has been claimed.

Illuminati announces record sales of Toblerone

THE secret society running the world has announced a 43% increase in Christmas sales of its popular Toblerone bar.

Limited edition yoghurts 'are top investment buy'

YOGHURTS in temporarily-available flavours will become valuable nest eggs, experts have claimed.

Neglected gerbil establishes successful internet business

A GERBIL forgotten by its owners survived by establishing a thriving online business selling self-tapping screws, it has emerged.

Drug lords furious as HSBC withdraws 'Cartel Plus' account

THE withdrawal of HSBC's Cartel Plus account has left Mexico's drug lords saddled with inconvenient cash.

Starbucks to do sponsored head-shave for HMRC

STARBUCKS staff are to shave their heads in aid of the British government.