Business

Video Game Shops To Be Staffed By Existential Philosophers

BUYERS of the highly-anticipated Halo Reach will be served by staff trained to ask them what exactly they are doing with their lives.

Inventor Unveils All-In-One Portable Tragedy Shrine

A BRITISH inventor has developed an all-in-one council estate tragedy shrine that can be erected within seconds of something 'sad' happening.

Apple To Ruin Your Life All Over Again

IPHONE users are set to return to their usual sobbing, foetal state with the release of IOS4.1.

Mini Launches First Aircraft Carrier

MINI has made its first foray into the lucrative 'crossover' market with the launch of a 115,000 tonne aircraft carrier.

Energy Firms May Be Run By Shits, Warns Ofgem

SOME of Britain's biggest energy companies may be run by greedy shits, according to the industry watchdog.

Inflation To Continue Doing A Variety Of Things, Says Bank Of England

BRITAIN faces several more months of inflation doing things before eventually deciding to do some other, equally interesting things, the Bank of England warned today.

Blair Sets Great Example To Children Who Want To Kill People

TONY BLAIR was today hailed as a role model for children who want to kill thousands of people when they grow up.

And Yet Oliver Prevails, Everyone Tells Sainsbury's

SO you can ban some woman for using the wrong Nectar card while 'it' continues about its business unmolested, everyone told Sainsbury's last night.