BRITAIN'S topless models have threatened to withdraw their thrilling tales of rump-pumpy from the News Of The World.
BRITISH businesses have been urged to hire surly, undereducated malcontents because at least they are not foreign.
AN Australian pensioner today declared the British government to be excellent value for money.
MOBILE phone operators have confirmed they will need more money to achieve their sole aim of bringing the whole world together.
A SHOP which sells really uncomfortable sofas for £3000 is to close down.
THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been urged to make a series of massive, insanely risky investments in a bid to boost its share price.
MARK Zuckerberg has admitted that a Facebook app automatically highlighting how hideous people are was a mistake.
APPLE fans last night welcomed the new iCloud service but said they would like a lovely box to put it in.