Business

Mobile users spending 100% more than necessary

BRITAIN'S mobile phone users could save hundreds of pounds by babbling shite at a calculator instead, say researchers.

Bank reforms to make it look as if something is being done

A PROPOSED shake-up of the UK banking system is to make it look as if someone is doing something about it.

Pepsi to corner foul-mouthed adulterer market

COCA-Cola has left the door open for Pepsi to corner the soft drinks market for sweary whore-mongers.

M&S about to learn 14 different French words for 'shit'

MARKS and Spencer is about to discover all the different words the French have for things that are shit.

Ryanair unveils flimsiest ever price hike justification

GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry's flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.

Ginger man thinks oil companies are nice

OIL companies would never dream of doing bad things, Britain's most powerful ginger claimed last night.

Osborne to close gap between private jet owners and private jet renters

PEOPLE who own private jets will face higher taxes in a bid to make the system fairer for people who just rent them.

Goodwin having sex with your money

WORLD'S worst banker Fred Goodwin hosts money orgies where he has intercourse with a series of life-size papier maché figures made from £20 notes.