Business

Mini Launches First Aircraft Carrier

MINI has made its first foray into the lucrative 'crossover' market with the launch of a 115,000 tonne aircraft carrier.

Energy Firms May Be Run By Shits, Warns Ofgem

SOME of Britain's biggest energy companies may be run by greedy shits, according to the industry watchdog.

Inflation To Continue Doing A Variety Of Things, Says Bank Of England

BRITAIN faces several more months of inflation doing things before eventually deciding to do some other, equally interesting things, the Bank of England warned today.

Blair Sets Great Example To Children Who Want To Kill People

TONY BLAIR was today hailed as a role model for children who want to kill thousands of people when they grow up.

And Yet Oliver Prevails, Everyone Tells Sainsbury's

SO you can ban some woman for using the wrong Nectar card while 'it' continues about its business unmolested, everyone told Sainsbury's last night.

Petrol Still Most Reasonably-Priced Thing At Service Stations

ROCKETING petrol prices mean it is still the only thing at a service station that you can reasonably afford, according to new research.

Can I Have My Sixteen Quid Now? Everyone Asks RBS

AS the Royal Bank of Scotland unveiled half-year profits of £1.14bn, everyone in Britain said they would like their share today please thank you.

New Bank Pledges To Openly Despise Its Customers

BRITAIN'S newest high street bank has promised not to pretend to be your friend.