Business
Twelve Year-Olds Urged To Knock-Up Local Tart
DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.
Bank Bosses Urged To Stick Apologies Up Their Arse
THE former bank bosses blamed for kick-starting the worst recession for 100,000 years were last night urged to take their apologies and ram them so far up their back passages their heads will pop off.
Other People's Bonuses Are Morally Wrong, Says Everyone
LARGE bonus payments to other people are morally wrong and should be banned, it was claimed last night.
Barclays Clearly Not Run By Bankers
BARCLAYS has finally admitted it is no longer run by bankers after posting an annual profit of £6bn.
RBS Execs To Rev Their Ferraris Very Loudly Outside Your House
ROYAL Bank of Scotland executives are to use their six figure bonuses to buy Ferraris which they will then rev loudly right in front of your house.
British Workers In Europe Decide Not To Go On Strike
BRITONS working in continental Europe have decided they will probably not strike in sympathy with their fellow countrymen.
Firm Offers 'Twats-Only' Activity Holidays
A BRITISH travel firm is believed to be the first in the world to offer activity holidays guaranteed to be filled with twats.
British Gas To Let You Eat
BRITISH Gas has agreed to leave you just enough money so you can eat.
- RBS To Implode Like House At The End Of 'Poltergeist'
- Only Twelve More Bank Bail-Outs To Go, Promises Darling
- Green Shoots Of Recovery Revealed As Putrefying Fingers Of The Dead
- For Shame, Our Rates Of Interest Can Surely Plunge No Lower, Proclaims Mr Pepys
- Estate Agents Now Showing Houses To Other Estate Agents