DICKHEAD-STYLE 'indie' coffee shops may actually be run by bastards, it has been claimed.
THE secret society running the world has announced a 43% increase in Christmas sales of its popular Toblerone bar.
YOGHURTS in temporarily-available flavours will become valuable nest eggs, experts have claimed.
A GERBIL forgotten by its owners survived by establishing a thriving online business selling self-tapping screws, it has emerged.
THE withdrawal of HSBC's Cartel Plus account has left Mexico's drug lords saddled with inconvenient cash.
STARBUCKS staff are to shave their heads in aid of the British government.
YOUR tax bill can be negotiated over a cup of tea and a chocolate Hobnob, officials have confirmed.