BRITAIN'S workers have long since stopped doing anything remotely productive, it emerged last night.
THE iconic Machin Head
portrait of the Queen could be replaced on stamps by Katie Price's
steam-cleaned vagina if some foreigners buy the Post Office, it has been
AS FREEZING weather and icy roads threatened to leave Britain without Christmas presents, people across the country insisted it didn't matter in a series of putrid, stinking lies.
THE latest fashions are trendier than ever and look set to be the in-thing, experts have confirmed.
MALE employees are being retrained to see breasts as malevolent orbs of terror.
WITH the rental sector booming, letting agents are set to topple estate agents as Britain's leading bunch of tick-like scumbags.
SIR Alan Sugar is to task the remaining Apprentice contestants with making Ireland's economy less cock-shaped.