Bankers Get Another £50 Billion To Rub Against Their Genitals

BRITAIN'S bankers were last night handed another £50bn in crisp notes to rub all over their naked, trembling bodies.

Bank Anger Profit Bonus In Fatcat Fury Shame

FURIOUS fatcat taxpayer money bonus and angry meltdown shame greed, it emerged today.

Bankers Look Forward To Rubbing Your Nose In It

BANKERS last night welcomed proposals for their salaries to be made public, stressing they cannot wait to rub your nose right in it.

Companies Resort To Employing The Welsh

THE recession took a turn for the worse last night as new figures revealed more businesses have resorted to using low cost Welshmen.

Reduced Choice For Tosspots

TOSSPOTS with ironic T-shirts and trendy gadgets have lost yet another place to piss people off after the collapse of Coffee Republic.

Supermarkets To Sell Pre-Digested Food

A RANGE of pre-digested foods aimed at consumers who are too busy for normal metabolic function has hit the shelves of UK superstores.

Ryanair May Be Irish, Say Experts

LOW-COST airline Ryanair may be an Irish company, it was claimed last night.

Fraud Investigation Launched Into Rover 200

THE Serious Fraud Office is to launch an investigation after claims the Rover 200 may have been marketed as a car.