TORY donor Lord Ashcroft has abandoned his plans to buy Britain and is now switching his attention to Belgium, it was confirmed last night.
SUPERMARKET giant Asda has launched a new campaign pledging to maintain the least attractive customer base in Britain.
RYANAIR has agreed to pay compensation to stranded volcano passengers but said it was also going to follow them home and wait outside their house.
MERCHANT bank Goldman Sachs has not been using magic beans to generate its multi-billion dollar profits, it was claimed last night.
WORKERS are being asked to attend more pretend training sessions in a bid to increase the amount of bullshit there is.
RAF fighter jets are being scrambled on a regular basis as part of a Ryanair scheme to make passengers pay a £10 surcharge for not being killed.
BRITISH Airlines staff have been told that Michael O’Leary will be made their new chief executive unless they call off their strike action.
FORMULA 1 manufacturer Mclaren has unveiled a budget supercar targeted at the insecure arse with only £150,000 to waste.