ADMINISTRATORS were last night called in to retail chain Ethel Austin, as thousands insisted it definitely went out of business no later than 1961.
SECURITY staff at Heathrow airport are today preparing to snigger uncontrollably at your small, sad penis.
SUPERMARKET chain Asda is targeting its Spring campaign at the shambling underclass looking for bargains in their nightclothes.
NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.
BRITAIN emerged from recession today as the economy grew by 15p.
A LEPRECHAUN has labelled TV cash-for-gold companies a 'rip-off' after receiving just £12.94 for his entire pot.