GORDON Brown is to slash Britain's budget deficit by sucking the fat from your body and selling it to soap companies.
SUPERMARKET giant Tesco was under pressure last night after it emerged its half-price turkeys are actually spaniels.
FORMER RBS chairman Sir George Mathewson last night hinted that anyone attempting to regulate City bonuses may find themselves part of the human chess set at his Highland estate.
GOD has revealed himself to be the head of Goldman Sachs, and that the real purpose of human existence is to get extraordinarily rich by 40 and buy yourself an island.
COMPANY bosses have welcomed a new survey showing employees are experiencing exactly the right levels of stress to keeping them working like mules.
ROYAL Bank of Scotland, Lloyds and Northern Rock are to be broken up into lovely little kittens that would not hurt a fly, it emerged last night.