Business

Britain Facing Somali Pirate Shortage

A BAN on air freight from Somalia could leave Britain facing a chronic shortage of crazy pirates, experts have warned.

Your Boss Is A Dick, Say Experts

YOUR boss is exploring the uncharted regions of dickishness, according to new research.

Gap Abandons Plan To Use Swastika

CLOTHING giant Gap was last night forced to abandon its plan to replace its classic blue square logo with the swastika.

Pay Civil Servants 50p An Hour, Says Topshop Boss

THE UK government could be made cheaper and more efficient if civil servants were paid 50 pence an hour, the boss of Topshop has claimed.

Gas Firms Experiment With Fuel Made From Customers' Tears

MAJOR gas suppliers are attempting to convert their customers' bitter tears of woe into an eco-friendly fuel.

Primark To Charge Customers Just To Chuck Stuff On The Floor

CHEAP clothes giant Primark is to stop selling clothes and instead simply charge the public to come and mess up its shops.

Video Game Shops To Be Staffed By Existential Philosophers

BUYERS of the highly-anticipated Halo Reach will be served by staff trained to ask them what exactly they are doing with their lives.

Inventor Unveils All-In-One Portable Tragedy Shrine

A BRITISH inventor has developed an all-in-one council estate tragedy shrine that can be erected within seconds of something 'sad' happening.