BP has asked Prince William and Kate Middleton if there is any chance they could invite Colonel Gaddafi to their wedding in April.
MICROSOFT was today applying some rouge and lipstick to the dead face of Nokia.
SMALL businesses across Britain could increase their profits by selling loads of stuff to rich bankers, it has emerged.
THE increase in the bank levy could force senior bankers to cut back on luxury ball-fluffing, it has emerged.
BANKERS have blamed the capitalist system for thinking they are better than everyone.
PURVEYORS of miracle health tonics and herbal hair loss remedies have compared Oldham to a 21st Century gold rush.
BRITAIN'S workers have long since stopped doing anything remotely productive, it emerged last night.