THE government is lining up a multi-billion pound bail-out for Jaguar so it can keep making absurdly expensive cars that do 12 yards to the gallon.
THE billionaire Barclay twins are to move their private island from the Channel Islands to the Maldives due to a combination of being in a huff and tax reasons.
UK consumers last night pledged to buy British, unless there was an obviously superior German alternative.
BRITAIN'S sentimental attachment to Woolworths evaporated rapidly yesterday as millions of bargain hunters discovered it really is a brightly lit warehouse filled with cack.
THE people of Britain may as well sit round all day leering at women and eating pigs' testicles, the international currency markets said last night.
JK Rowling was last night told to 'just piss off' by a group of fellow writers hoping to sell some books this Christmas.
BANKS controlled by the public which do not lend the public money will have to pay a fine using public money.
PETER Mandelson has added the pathetic Lapland theme park to his list of businesses that must be saved.