NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.
BRITAIN emerged from recession today as the economy grew by 15p.
A LEPRECHAUN has labelled TV cash-for-gold companies a 'rip-off' after receiving just £12.94 for his entire pot.
A GROWING number of UK householders are performing sex acts on lenders in lieu of mortgage payments, according to a new survey.
TV property shows rose by 1.8% last year as the easing of the credit crunch helped bring forward a second series of Dreadful Middle Class Bastards.
A NEW 'sluts only' discount card is offering impressionable, sexually promiscuous women money off everything from drinks to scientific equipment.