Business

Don't suppose you could invite Gaddafi? BP asks Kate

BP has asked Prince William and Kate Middleton if there is any chance they could invite Colonel Gaddafi to their wedding in April.

Microsoft applies make-up to Nokia's corpse

MICROSOFT was today applying some rouge and lipstick to the dead face of Nokia.

Small firms urged to sell stuff to bankers

SMALL businesses across Britain could increase their profits by selling loads of stuff to rich bankers, it has emerged.

We spend £2.5bn getting our balls fluffed, say bank chiefs

THE increase in the bank levy could force senior bankers to cut back on luxury ball-fluffing, it has emerged.

Bankers blame capitalism for their arrogance

BANKERS have blamed the capitalist system for thinking they are better than everyone.

Oldham buys miracle health tonic

PURVEYORS of miracle health tonics and herbal hair loss remedies have compared Oldham to a 21st Century gold rush.

Boost to recovery as everything becomes much more expensive

BRITAIN was well on the road to economic recovery today after the government made everything less affordable.

No work done since last Tuesday

BRITAIN'S workers have long since stopped doing anything remotely productive, it emerged last night.