Business

Credit Card Firms Told To Stop Leaving Horses' Heads Everywhere

CREDIT card firms are facing a crackdown on practices such as leaving a horse's head at the bottom of your bed or killing you and then stuffing you in an oil drum.

Banks Call For Mervyn King To Be Broken Up

BRITAIN'S biggest banks last night called for Mervyn King to be broken up into lots of little bits.

JJB Drops 'Sports' From Title After Admitting It Was Fooling Nobody

JJB Sports, the troubled high street vendor of television watching apparel, has finally dropped the 'Sports' from its name.

School Leavers Not Even Clever Enough To Work At Tesco, Says Tesco Boss

BRITAIN'S education system must be in a right old state if school leavers are not even qualified to work at Tesco, the boss of Tesco warned last night.

Come And See Our Hot Lesbians, Says Swindon

SWINDON is a hotbed of unbridled lesbian sex, the town's borough council claimed last night.

Pat And Jess Trade Insults Over Strike Action

BRITAIN'S leading postman and his long-standing colleague last night exchanged vicious insults in an acrimonious split over proposed strike action.

We Will Never Judge You, Says Greggs

GREGGS the baker last night assured its customers it would never ever judge them.

Microsoft Offers Students Cut-Price Infuriating Crap

STUDENTS can have Windows 7 irritate the shit out of them for a reduced fee of £30, Microsoft has announced.