Business

McNuggets made with organic, fresh child meat

MCDONALD’S has revealed that its nuggets contain locally-sourced boy.

Premier Foods unveils strawberry flavoured bastards

PREMIER Foods has unveiled a new range of bastards who smell of fresh strawberries.

Number of people on conference call somewhere between five and 130,000

THE number of people simultaneously talking down a static-filled phone line has been estimated as between five and the entire population of Preston.

Rail companies one step closer to perfectly empty trains

RAIL operators are moving ever closer to a network completely rid of annoying passengers.

Shopping stampede expected for Unfunny Toilet Humour Joke Gift Monday

SALES of tiresome penis and fart-related joke products are expected to hit £569bn today.

Everything to be given to Richard Branson

ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.

Energy companies getting advert ideas from shamanic drug sessions

SSE’S ape advert was inspired by peyote-fuelled sweat lodge rituals, it has emerged.

Businesses warn fines for bad reviews will almost certainly catch on

BUSINESSES have warned they will be forced to start fining customers who complain.