Business

Engineers warn ‘Cheesegrater’ building may be full of capitalist sociopaths

A LANDMARK office building in the City of London could be full of people who are basically werewolves, it has emerged.

93 per cent of Waterstones staff have neckbeard

STAFF in high street book chain Waterstones have an unusually high incidence of neckbeard, it has emerged.

Britain hoping for bumper Tower of London opium crop

BRITAIN is pinning its economic hopes on a record haul of grade-A heroin from the Tower of London.

We know ten per cent is bugger all, customers tell shops

SHOPPERS have told retailers that a ten per cent discount is worthless so they may as well stop pretending otherwise.

High-earning bastard sick of everyone presuming he has good side

A SUCCESSFUL City banker has asked everyone to stop suggesting he secretly has a heart of gold.

McDonald’s unveils ‘at least it’s not a f**king gourmet burger’ slogan

BURGER chain McDonald’s has a new slogan emphasising that at least its product is unpretentious.

Being digitised 'nothing like Tron'

LLOYDS staff have complained that being ‘digitised’ merely involves being sacked rather than blasted into a thrilling video game world.

No rush for HS3, say Northerners

NORTHERN rail commuters have admitted that they have no real need to go anywhere very fast.