Business

Mike Ashley ‘just a huge Dickens fan’

SPORTS Direct boss Mike Ashley runs his business like a Victorian workhouse as a homage to his favourite writer Charles Dickens.

‘No, I am not in the f**king garden,’ says home worker

A MAN who works from home has reiterated for the eighth time today that he is not sitting in the garden.  

Miserable Osborne returns to life of cocaine and prostitutes

A DEJECTED George Osborne has returned to the empty parade of escort girls and drug abuse that made up his life before being chancellor.

Tickets to London property crash already sold out

MORE than 800,000 front row seats to watch London’s property market collapse in April next year have already sold out.

'Who wants to borrow a shitload of money?' asks Bank of England

THE Bank of England has decided now is the ideal time to treat yourself to something expensive to enjoy until it is repossessed.

Baffling decimal currency to be phased out

THE UK’s exit from the EU means the welcome return of the thru’penny bit and the half-crown, it has been confirmed.

Proper-shaped bananas arrive in UK

CRATELOADS of sensibly-shaped bananas that were banned under the EU have arrived on British shores.

Jubilant Leave voter 'will catch up with the financial news later'

AN OVERJOYED Leave voter is celebrating the win and can catch up on all that financial stuff later, he has confirmed.