Business

Nation sick of having heart warmed

BRITAIN has asked retailers to cease their barrage of heartwarming Christmas adverts.

Facebook to crack down on fake status updates

FACEBOOK has revealed plans to stop users telling lies about themselves.

Wikipedia celebrates first ever donation

THERE were joyful scenes in the offices of Wikipedia yesterday after the website received its first ever financial donation.

Capitalist oppressors furious at flukey Christmas holiday dates

EVIL capitalist oppressors are furious after discovering workers will get 10 days off at Christmas while only taking three days' leave.

UK economy running as mysteriously as a 1993 Vauxhall Nova

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.

Government asks what else it was meant to do with a f**king stadium

THE government has asked critics of the Olympic stadium deal with West Ham what they would have done with a f**king 80,000-seat stadium.

Management sees woman's untapped potential to work weekends

A MANAGER has identified one of his employees as having what it takes to work most weekends.

New ‘London pound’ coin to be worth about 45p

THE new 2017 pound coin will be a special ‘London pound’ worth less than half as much as the national version.