BONUSES should no longer be awarded simply on the basis of doing something properly, it was claimed last night.
THE makers of a popular hamster toy have reassured parents that their product does not contain excessive levels of horse labia.
MICROSOFT have admitted that some users of its new Windows 7 operating system have been confronted with the dreaded 'Black Screen of Paying £200 for Something That Doesn't Work'.
FORMER Baywatch star David Hasselhoff's psyche is set to become a multi-million dollar tourist attraction, with rides, cafes and high strangeness.
GORDON Brown is to slash Britain's budget deficit by sucking the fat from your body and selling it to soap companies.