WORKERS in the City of London can protect themselves from violent protesters by dressing like scum and talking about something called 'Corrie', it was claimed last night.
BRITAIN has run out of money, the man who prints it said last night.
ENERGY companies will be forced to invent a new range of bullshit excuses for putting up prices whenever they feel like it, it emerged today.
THE ban on the advert for the Angelina Jolie film Wanted will generate at least as much publicity as showing the advert but at a fraction of the cost, the producers said last night.
UNEMPLOYED people across Britain were celebrating today as the financial crisis which has wrecked their dreams gave Cherie Blair the chance to earn some enormous legal fees.
BRITAIN is 'well and truly, Geordie-lass-on-her-hen-night fucked' if people can no longer afford to eat at Greggs, financial analysts warned last night.