Halifax downgraded over choir advert

RATINGS agency Fitch has cut Halifax's credit score because it despises that advert where they all sing.

Portas to destroy every high street with her brain

THE Portas Inquiry into Britain's high streets will close every shop in the country because Mary Portas is such an utter moron, it has emerged.

Mild criticism 'worse than murder', says big business

ED Miliband’s tepid, slightly apologetic, attack on corporate behaviour was 'worse than actual murder', according to members of the business community.

L'Oreal 'despises all women equally'

COSMETICS behemoth L'Oreal has confirmed that it treats women of all races with the same degree of contempt.

Apple stores covered in jizz

BRITAIN'S bodily fluid cleaners have been working overtime after the launch date for the iPhone 5 was announced.

Trader may have been acting in own self-interest

THERE is a chance the scary trader on the BBC News may have been acting selfishly, it has emerged.

Blackpool not clean enough for giant gas refinery

SHALE gas operations can only start in Blackpool once the town meets minimum environmental standards.

IMF warns recession could be lurking in your shed

ECONOMISTS have warned there could be a two-headed recession lurking in every garden in Britain.