Everyone can tell your shirt is unironed

THE entire office can see that you've not ironed that shirt and is judging you because of it.

Primark creates clothing range for shoplifters

PRIMARK has launched a range of shoplifting attire with concealed pockets and other thief-friendly features.

Sports Direct launches wedding list service

LEISUREWEAR retailer Sports Direct has entered the lucrative wedding list market.

TV adverts to be just picture of thing, name of thing

TELEVISION adverts will be limited to a still image of a product with its name underneath after becoming too infuriating.

New boss wants you to know he likes football

YOUR new boss claims to be an ordinary bloke on the basis that he supports West Ham.

Public unsure what to do with information about big shops' sales figures

REPORTS of big shops' Christmas sales figures have left Britons baffled and mildly anxious.

Shoppers urged to buy shit British vegetables instead

THE government is calling on shoppers to source more of their pointless, dreadful food from British farmers.

Record numbers poncing about in new cars

MORE Britons than ever are driving around in brand new cars like a bunch of total ponces.