THE Windows 8 operating system will come in three varieties of ball-shrinking awfulness, Microsoft has promised.
BOOKMAKERS have stopped taking bets that the next London Mayor will be a bellend.
OFFICES are to be revolutionised by a device that detects challenge-averse working practices including blame culture and failure to think out of the box.
FRIENDS Reunited has relaunched with a pledge to be not bad at one of the things that has made Facebook enormous.
DOWNING Street has advertised for an experienced prostitution agent.
OWNERS of the iPad 3 will have to pay Apple a monthly fee for all the heat it generates.
THE government is to turn itself into the defunct mortgage company Northern Rock, Downing Street has confirmed.
THE fall of a Kate Moss hoarding onto shoppers augurs another recession, according to financial soothsayers.