SPANISH banking giant Santander is to dress up its UK subsidiaries with a series of jolly, bright red bow ties, it was confirmed last night.
BANKERS are planning to post every blind child in the UK a poisonous tropical spider in a bid to reclaim their position as Britain's purest form of scum.
LOW-COST airline Ryanair was last night urged to seek professional help.
BRITAIN'S biggest banks will be forced to close for a few days roughly every four weeks, under new government proposals.
GODFATHER of punk Iggy Pop last night requested a comprehensive insurance quote for his 1996 Renault Laguna estate.
BRITAIN'S tax accountants were last night gleefully flicking through brochures for the Bentley Continental GT after chancellor Alistair Darling unveiled radical plans to take more money from rich people.