Business

Barclays Clearly Not Run By Bankers

BARCLAYS has finally admitted it is no longer run by bankers after posting an annual profit of £6bn.

 

RBS Execs To Rev Their Ferraris Very Loudly Outside Your House

ROYAL Bank of Scotland executives are to use their six figure bonuses to buy Ferraris which they will then rev loudly right in front of your house.

British Workers In Europe Decide Not To Go On Strike

BRITONS working in continental Europe have decided they will probably not strike in sympathy with their fellow countrymen.

 

Firm Offers 'Twats-Only' Activity Holidays

A BRITISH travel firm is believed to be the first in the world to offer activity holidays guaranteed to be filled with twats.


British Gas To Let You Eat

BRITISH Gas has agreed to leave you just enough money so you can eat.

RBS To Implode Like House At The End Of 'Poltergeist'

THE Royal Bank of Scotland is just days away from imploding like that house in Poltergeist, it was claimed said last night.

Only Twelve More Bank Bail-Outs To Go, Promises Darling

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has promised to limit the number of bank bail-outs to 10 or 12 at the most.

Green Shoots Of Recovery Revealed As Putrefying Fingers Of The Dead

CLAIMS the UK was seeing the green shoots of recovery were withdrawn last night after they were revealed to be nothing more than the mouldy fingers of the recently deceased.