ROYAL Bank of Scotland, Lloyds and Northern Rock are to be broken up into lovely little kittens that would not hurt a fly, it emerged last night.
FAST food chain KFC is to be sued for animal cruelty after a swarm of mice was poisoned by a deluxe boneless box at its Leicester Square branch.
A MEDIUM-sized King Edward potato is 2009's most popular Christmas toy among recession-hit parents.
JJB Sports, the troubled high street vendor of television watching apparel, has finally dropped the 'Sports' from its name.
SWINDON is a hotbed of unbridled lesbian sex, the town's borough council claimed last night.