Supermarket forced to withdraw advert featuring happy customers

A TELEVISION advert for Tesco featuring cheerful humans roaming its aisles is misleading, a watchdog has ruled.

Banks to find way of risking your happiness

BRITAIN'S banks have pledged that industry reform will not prevent them from toying with your pathetic life.

McDonalds staff patiently explain calorie count is not price tag

STAFF at McDonalds are to spend the next three years patiently explaining that the number next to the photo of the food is the calorie count, not the price.

Companies prefer to go bankrupt with really good-looking staff

MORE companies are opting for an incredibly attractive bankruptcy, it has emerged.

Online coupons save Britons £5bn on things they don't want

SIX in ten Britons regularly use internet coupons to spend less money on things that have absolutely no value.

iPhones resign

THE world's iPhones have resigned, it has been confirmed.

Ikea shoppers are Nazis too, say experts

PEOPLE who buy things from Ikea are obviously Nazis, scientists confirmed last night.

Gap Year Land opens near Tenby

A NEW theme park will offer juggling, weed smoking and infectious diseases to students unable to afford to take a year out.