Business

G20 Produces One Trillion Dollars From Behind Your Ear

THE G20 summit made you giggle like a schoolgirl last night after producing a shiny $1 trillion coin from behind your right ear.

Pointless Thing Starts

MORE than 800 world leaders meet in London today amid the highest levels of security ever to surround an incredibly pointless thing.

City Workers Urged To Dress Like Scum And Talk About 'Corrie'

WORKERS in the City of London can protect themselves from violent protesters by dressing like scum and talking about something called 'Corrie', it was claimed last night.

There's No More Money, Says Man Who Prints All The Money

BRITAIN has run out of money, the man who prints it said last night.

Energy Companies Forced To Come Up With New Range Of Bullshit Excuses

ENERGY companies will be forced to invent a new range of bullshit excuses for putting up prices whenever they feel like it, it emerged today.

Ban On Jolie Film Advert Much Cheaper Than Showing Jolie Film Advert

THE ban on the advert for the Angelina Jolie film Wanted will generate at least as much publicity as showing the advert but at a fraction of the cost, the producers said last night.

Britain Delighted As Financial Crisis Keeps Cherie Blair In A Job

UNEMPLOYED people across Britain were celebrating today as the financial crisis which has wrecked their dreams gave Cherie Blair the chance to earn some enormous legal fees.

Madoff Pleads Guilty To Not Being A Bank

FRAUDSTER Bernard Madoff yesterday pled guilty to not realising he should just have turned his failed investment firm into a bank.