Business

BT Delighted With Latest Monopoly

REGULATORS have given BT the go-ahead to set up a new super-fast broadband network and then charge rivals as much as it bloody well feels like to use it.

Ryanair Planes To Smell Strongly Of Urine And Faeces

BUDGET airline Ryanair is to introduce the overwhelming stench of bodily waste to its 145 routes across Europe.

Aha Ha Ha Ha Ha, Says Goodwin

AHA ha ha ha ha ha ha, aha ha ha, aha ha ha ha ha, former Royal Bank of Scotland chief executive Sir Fred Goodwin said last night.

Prime Minister’s Brain Goes Into Receivership

THE brain of prime minister Gordon Brown has gone into administration, Downing Street has confirmed.

 

Facebook Abandons Bid To Copyright Your Tedious Existence

FACEBOOK users are celebrating after the social network abandoned its bid to copyright the mind-numbingly tedious details of your pointless life.

Hbos Risk Control Run By Evel Knievel

THE risk control department at HBOS was run by Evel Knievel for nearly a decade, it emerged last night.

Britain To Become Bucket-Based Economy

BRITAIN is well on its way to becoming a largely bucket- based economy, it was claimed last night.

Twelve Year-Olds Urged To Knock-Up Local Tart

DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.