Google Phone To Replace Human Soul

GOOGLE'S new Nexus One mobile phone will be the first device of its kind to replace the human soul, the company claimed last night.

Media Demand New Words For 'Snow'

THE National Union of Journalists last night demanded at least 12 new words for snow.

Airline Collapse Leaves Travellers Stranded On Dinosaur Island

THE collapse of budget airline Flyglobespan has left hundreds of passengers marooned on a remote island populated by dinosaurs and cannibals.

Twiggy Is 300 Years Old, Admits Oil Of Olay

TWIGGY is a 300 year-old Bulgarian woman, Oil of Olay admitted last night.

Tesco And iPhone Combine As Foretold In Ancient Prophecy

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco has confirmed it will sell the Apple iPhone, thus creating the twin colossi of rampaging evil as foretold by scripture.

Bonuses No Longer Linked To Being Good At Things

BONUSES should no longer be awarded simply on the basis of doing something properly, it was claimed last night.

Hamster Toy Contains Dangerous Levels Of Horse Vagina

THE makers of a popular hamster toy have reassured parents that their product does not contain excessive levels of horse labia.

But The Real Word Is Full Of Poor People, Say Bankers

BANKERS last night rejected calls to live in the real world insisting it was full of badly-dressed poor people with only one house.