SECURITY staff at Heathrow airport are today preparing to snigger uncontrollably at your small, sad penis.
SUPERMARKET chain Asda is targeting its Spring campaign at the shambling underclass looking for bargains in their nightclothes.
NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.
BRITAIN emerged from recession today as the economy grew by 15p.
A LEPRECHAUN has labelled TV cash-for-gold companies a 'rip-off' after receiving just £12.94 for his entire pot.
FEARS were growing today that chocolate buttons are inevitably going to end up tasting like shit.
A GROWING number of UK householders are performing sex acts on lenders in lieu of mortgage payments, according to a new survey.