Men Retrained To See Breasts As Bad Things

MALE employees are being retrained to see breasts as malevolent orbs of terror.

Letting agents to out-bastard estate agents

WITH the rental sector booming, letting agents are set to topple estate agents as Britain's leading bunch of tick-like scumbags.

Apprentice Contestants To Run Irish Economy

SIR Alan Sugar is to task the remaining Apprentice contestants with making Ireland's economy less cock-shaped.

Qantas In Emergency Talks With Gremlins

BELEAGURED airline Qantas is hoping to end its ongoing Gremlin problems after announcing formal talks with the diminutive, mischief-oriented creatures.

British Gas To Just Shoot Your Dog In The Face

SOMEONE from British Gas will be round this afternoon to shoot your dog in the face, it has been confirmed.

Just Make A Car, Everyone Tells Sinclair

SIR Clive Sinclair has been told to stop this nonsense and just make a little car.

Britain Facing Somali Pirate Shortage

A BAN on air freight from Somalia could leave Britain facing a chronic shortage of crazy pirates, experts have warned.

Your Boss Is A Dick, Say Experts

YOUR boss is exploring the uncharted regions of dickishness, according to new research.