Abattoirs to get funky makeover

BRITAIN'S abattoirs need more contemporary styling, it has been claimed.

RBS given 390 million hours of community service

THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been ordered to spend 390 million hours performing good deeds as punishment for its part in the Libor scandal.

YouTube 'does not contain anything good'

YOUTUBE is desperately searching its site for content it can charge users for without being laughed at.

Britain's workforce 'needs drugs to cope with the shame'

DOING your job is probably less ethical than taking drugs, it has been claimed.

Our burgers would contain race horses, says Waitrose

WAITROSE beefburgers do not contain horses but if they did they would be thoroughbreds, the supermarket has confirmed.

Snow hails South-East focused PR strategy

THE snow has praised its PR and marketing team for this year's 'South East: It's All White' campaign.

Blockbuster blames plucky local film shop

CORPORATE entertainment behemoth Blockbuster has lost its 14-year battle with quirky local film shop 'Cinephiles'.