Osborne to use £747m from Northern Rock sale to bail out new owners

GEORGE Osborne will use the £747 million from the sale of Northern Rock to bail it out again sometime next year.

Pope and Imam 'would make horrible couple'

POPE Benedict and Imam Ahmed Mohamed el-Tayeb would be a really horrible couple, it has been confirmed.

Osborne helps by saying France is about to explode

GEORGE Osborne has helped to ease the financial crisis by pointing at France and shouting a lot.

Ailing JJB targets people who do sport

TROUBLED sloth-wear vendor JJB Sports is to market its goods at sporty people.

Government gives £1bn to builders instead of you

THE government is to boost the economy by giving £1bn to some builders instead of you and your friends.

City protestors offered tantalising range of free gifts

PROTESTORS in the City of London have been offered a choice of high quality consumer goods if they will just go away.

Halifax downgraded over choir advert

RATINGS agency Fitch has cut Halifax's credit score because it despises that advert where they all sing.

Portas to destroy every high street with her brain

THE Portas Inquiry into Britain's high streets will close every shop in the country because Mary Portas is such an utter moron, it has emerged.