L'Oreal 'despises all women equally'

COSMETICS behemoth L'Oreal has confirmed that it treats women of all races with the same degree of contempt.

Apple stores covered in jizz

BRITAIN'S bodily fluid cleaners have been working overtime after the launch date for the iPhone 5 was announced.

Trader may have been acting in own self-interest

THERE is a chance the scary trader on the BBC News may have been acting selfishly, it has emerged.

Blackpool not clean enough for giant gas refinery

SHALE gas operations can only start in Blackpool once the town meets minimum environmental standards.

IMF warns recession could be lurking in your shed

ECONOMISTS have warned there could be a two-headed recession lurking in every garden in Britain.

Energy companies to pretend wives were in charge

BRITAIN'S biggest energy providers are to set up 'wife companies' to take the blame whenever they are accused of profiteering.

Bosses could be forced to feel something about their massive salaries

BRITAIN'S bosses could soon be forced to have thoughts and feelings about their enormous amounts of money, it has been announced.

Confusion as banker arrested for losing vast amount of money

THERE was widespread confusion today after a banker was arrested for losing billions of pounds.