People still unsure how banks work

THE £6.5m bonus paid to Barclays chief Bob Diamond was last night criticised by people with no real grasp of capitalism.

Sky News sell-off will ruin our 
lives, warn Guardian readers

ONE of the greatest Guardian reader conspiracy theories of the last 20 years was under threat last night after Rupert Murdoch agreed to sell Sky News.

Train company unveils 34-syllable ticket

THE new Semi-Super Saver Single Return Railroader Autumn Summer Traveller Student Nurse District Pet Family Oxbow Lake Pass is actually straightforward, according to train bosses.

Boardrooms should be 14% Brazilian tranny

ONE in every seven company directors in Britain should be a Brazilian transvestite with a pronounced facial tick, according to a new report.

British Gas bullshit up 24 per cent

THE nauseating bullshit British Gas uses to justify its vicious profiteering leapt 24 per cent last year.

Don't suppose you could invite Gaddafi? BP asks Kate

BP has asked Prince William and Kate Middleton if there is any chance they could invite Colonel Gaddafi to their wedding in April.

Microsoft applies make-up to Nokia's corpse

MICROSOFT was today applying some rouge and lipstick to the dead face of Nokia.

Small firms urged to sell stuff to bankers

SMALL businesses across Britain could increase their profits by selling loads of stuff to rich bankers, it has emerged.