Business

Facebook Abandons Bid To Copyright Your Tedious Existence

FACEBOOK users are celebrating after the social network abandoned its bid to copyright the mind-numbingly tedious details of your pointless life.

Hbos Risk Control Run By Evel Knievel

THE risk control department at HBOS was run by Evel Knievel for nearly a decade, it emerged last night.

Britain To Become Bucket-Based Economy

BRITAIN is well on its way to becoming a largely bucket- based economy, it was claimed last night.

Twelve Year-Olds Urged To Knock-Up Local Tart

DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.

Bank Bosses Urged To Stick Apologies Up Their Arse

THE former bank bosses blamed for kick-starting the worst recession for 100,000 years were last night urged to take their apologies and ram them so far up their back passages their heads will pop off.

Other People's Bonuses Are Morally Wrong, Says Everyone

LARGE bonus payments to other people are morally wrong and should be banned, it was claimed last night.

Barclays Clearly Not Run By Bankers

BARCLAYS has finally admitted it is no longer run by bankers after posting an annual profit of £6bn.

 

RBS Execs To Rev Their Ferraris Very Loudly Outside Your House

ROYAL Bank of Scotland executives are to use their six figure bonuses to buy Ferraris which they will then rev loudly right in front of your house.