RAIL operators are moving ever closer to a network completely rid of annoying passengers.
SALES of tiresome penis and fart-related joke products are expected to hit £569bn today.
ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.
SSE’S ape advert was inspired by peyote-fuelled sweat lodge rituals, it has emerged.
BUSINESSES have warned they will be forced to start fining customers who complain.
UNPAID workers spend most of their time imagining how vile they will be to other interns once they get promoted, it has emerged.
BRITAIN’S banks are in their 36th year of unbroken criminality, it has been confirmed.
SPOTTY 19-year-olds who know a bit about smartphones should have more appropriate job titles, it has been claimed.