Business

Every middle-class shopper has different list of things Aldi is good for

EVERY middle-class family believes Aldi is great for certain products but no two lists are the same, researchers have found.

McDonald's identifies potentially lucrative 'bereaved kid' demographic

A MCDONALD'S marketing meeting has decided that bereaved children will probably want some burgers.

Unpopular pub thrilled to be changing hands again

AN unsuccessful pub is sure that its fourth landlord in eight years will finally make everyone like it again.

I am never flying Ryanair again, declares woman for 13th time

A WOMAN has sworn she will never again travel with Ryanair, having sworn the same thing on 12 previous occasions.

Up-itself boutique gives final warning to friendly, helpful sales assistant

A SALES assistant who does not judge her customers has been given a final warning by a pretentious clothes shop.

Depraved animal doesn’t hope email recipient is well

A PSYCHOPATHIC monster has sent an email to a co-worker without expressing hope for their well-being.

We charge ‘bloody difficult’ people double, confirm tradesmen

ELECTRICIANS, plumbers and car mechanics have confirmed that if customers are ‘bloody difficult’ they pay at least twice as much.