Business

Share plunge may have been caused by bad cocaine, admit stockbrokers

STOCKBROKERS have admitted the collapse in share prices was probably caused by some disappointing gak.

Middle class cocaine to come with lies about ethical origin

COCAINE sold to middle class people is to come with some blurb about being made by an ecologically-minded cartel that funds community projects.

Wetherspoon pubs named after made-up historical figures

MOST Wetherspoon pubs are named after local luminaries that never existed, it has emerged.

Amazon uses robot to neutralise inefficient workers

INTERNET retail giant Amazon employs a robot called Goliath that terminates non-productive workers, it has emerged.

Boss worried compliment might be incitement to ask for pay rise

A BUSINESS owner is concerned that a compliment paid to workers will make them demand more cash.

Coke unveils Coke Warm&Flat

COCA-COLA has brought out a non-carbonated version of its signature beverage intended to be drunk warm in the sun.

Jailed trader to dig escape tunnel behind poster of Thatcher

LIBOR rigger Tom Hayes is to tunnel out of prison using a poster of Margaret Thatcher as cover.

New laid-back automated checkout doesn’t give a shit what’s in the bagging area

TESCO’S new automated till has the character of a divorced middle-aged woman with a borderline drink problem.