Business

Supermarkets openly targeting tight bastards

TESCO has launched a special Tight Bastard range aimed at misers.

Airports to combine body searches with eating, shopping and the toilet

AIRPORTS are to minimise delays by searching your insides while you eat, shop and go to the lavatory.

Flexible working not suitable for actual jobs

FLEXIBLE working is impractical for jobs where work needs to be done, it has emerged.

Brooks verdict welcomed by clueless bosses

BOSSES who have no idea what their staff are doing have welcomed the acquittal of Rebekah Brooks.

Jury asked if it could find Coulson ‘ultra-guilty’

ANDY Coulson’s completely obvious involvement in phone hacking prompted his trial jury to ask if they could find him more than guilty.

Bank allowed to put little hats on mortgages

THE Bank of England has been given special powers to put fancy hats on the top of huge home loans that will destroy the economy.

Amazon no longer selling anything

INTERNET giant Amazon is no longer selling any products following disputes with every publisher, film producer, record label and mop manufacturer in the world.

Man buys more than one item from farmers’ market

SHOPPERS claim to have seen a man buy two things at a farmers’ market.