Business

Blue Riband is the traitor's biscuit, say Brexiters

LEAVE voters have furiously turned on Blue Riband chocolate wafer biscuits to avoid losing face over Brexit.

Woman to get through Tuesday by reminding herself it’s nearly Wednesday

AN OFFICE worker is struggling through Tuesday by focusing on making it to Wednesday, after which  there are only two more days until the weekend.

John Lewis has no idea what 'Never knowingly undersold' means

NOBODY at John Lewis knows what its long-standing slogan is supposed to mean, it has been confirmed.

Bank of Mum and Dad bailed out by Bank of Nan and Grandad

THE Bank of Mum and Dad has had to call on assistance from its grandparent bank after a year of substantial losses.

HMRC website either hacked by Russia or just really shit

THE government's website for tax and benefits has either been hacked by Russia or is just a piece of shit.

Scrumpy-making farmer not 'inspired by Brew Dog'

A FARMER whose bright orange cider makes you shit yourself is not inspired by Brew Dog, he has confirmed.

Wetherspoons impossible to boycott

BRITONS who would like to boycott Wetherspoons because of its chairman’s political views have admitted it is impossible.

New pound coin sorry it's attached to completely f**ked currency

THE new one pound coin would rather not be attached to a doomed currency, it has confirmed.