Business

Capitalist oppressors furious at flukey Christmas holiday dates

EVIL capitalist oppressors are furious after discovering workers will get 10 days off at Christmas while only taking three days' leave.

UK economy running as mysteriously as a 1993 Vauxhall Nova

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.

Government asks what else it was meant to do with a f**king stadium

THE government has asked critics of the Olympic stadium deal with West Ham what they would have done with a f**king 80,000-seat stadium.

Management sees woman's untapped potential to work weekends

A MANAGER has identified one of his employees as having what it takes to work most weekends.

New ‘London pound’ coin to be worth about 45p

THE new 2017 pound coin will be a special ‘London pound’ worth less than half as much as the national version.

Asda shoppers ‘just generally angry’

SHOPPERS at Asda are generally very angry people, it has emerged.

British pride restored by grovelling to Japanese car company

PATRIOTS have hailed the government’s Nissan deal as proof that when it comes to allowing multinational businesses to behave as they please, Britain again leads the world.

Worker self-destructs career by eating lunch at 11.57am

A MAN has squandered any chance of progressing at work by eating his packed lunch before midday.