Business

Man launches Kickstarter campaign to buy himself a pint

A MAN is hoping to raise enough money to buy himself a pint in Covent Garden.

Friday afternoon work to be replaced with art classes and PE

ALL work done on Friday afternoon is to be replaced by an art class or physical exercise.

House prices to rise further, except in shitholes

HOUSE prices are rising so fast that home ownership is only possible in shitholes, say experts.

Everything on Black Friday costs your soul

THE price of any item reduced on Black Friday is whatever it says on the label plus your very soul, retailers have agreed.

'We earn £190K a year. Should we sell a child so we can buy another flat?'

The sheer cost of middle-class life in London means they can only afford one large house and one buy-to-let flat.

Man in suit feeling pretty f**king special

A MAN wearing a business suit feels purposeful as f*ck, it has been confirmed.

Peeping Tom on moon given telescope

A PERVERTED old man living in a crater on the moon is given a telescope to spy on couples having sex in John Lewis’s Christmas advert.

Nativity rewritten to include promotional Coke lorry

THE story of Jesus’s birth now includes a large red lorry with corporate branding, it has been confirmed.