Business

Bank of England doesn’t know how to raise interest rates

THE Governor of the Bank of England has admitted they couldn't raise interest rates even if they wanted to.

Royal Mail to sell personalised postcodes

THE Royal Mail is to auction personalised postcodes to homeowners seeking to make their addresses more sexy.

Sheepdogs condemn glass ceiling in the workplace

NO sheepdog has ever made the transition to shepherd, it has emerged.

New iPhone to say nasty things about policemen

THE next version of Apple’s iPhone will have a visceral dislike for the police force.

Coca-Cola admits 'natural flavors' include a severed head

DRINKS maker Coca-Cola has admitted using severed human heads to add a touch of piquancy.

Bosses acting like bank holiday was their idea

BOSSES are acting like the bank holiday is a special treat of their devising.

£50 notes no longer illegal tender

DRUG importers, kidnappers and public officials bribed with suitcases of cash have been warned to bank their £50 notes.

RBS confirms it’s still run by the most gigantic bastards imaginable

THE Royal Bank of Scotland just wanted you to know that it is still deeply and disturbingly immoral.