Banks Fucked

BANKS in the UK were fucked yesterday, after a landmark court ruling.

New Uniform Will Turn My Life Around, Says Tearful Mcdonald's Worker

A NEW designer uniform is going to generate the most amazing improvement in overall quality of life, grateful McDonald's workers said last night. 

Carla Bruni To Be The New Face Of Ginsters

CARLA Bruni, the incredibly hot wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, is to be the new face of Ginsters savoury treats.

Four Out Of 10 Staff May Do Some Work This Year

FOUR out of 10 office staff are thinking about doing a bit of work at some point this year, a new study reveals. 

Darling Tells Idiots To Help Themselves

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has this morning opened the vaults at the Bank of England and urged Britain's idiots to help themselves.

Office Of Fair Trading Takes Four Years To Discover Builders Are At It

THE Office of Fair Trading last night defended taking four years and millions of pounds to discover that builders might just be at it.

Everything We Sell Is A Cake, Claims M&S

MARKS and Spencer has launched a legal challenge against the Inland Revenue, claiming that every one of its 25,000 products is a cake.

Houses Worth Less Than The Bricks They Are Made Of

BRITAIN'S houses are now worth less as homes than they are as individual bricks, it was claimed last night.