Business

Petrol prices 'not caused by haunted pumps'

THE high cost of petrol may not be caused by poltergeists, it has emerged.

Waitrose top for organic vegetables, customer service and milfs

WAITROSE is the best supermarket for fresh produce and highly attractive middle-aged women, it has been claimed.

Weak GDP figures suggest something really bad may have happened a few years ago

THE latest set of GDP figures indicate the UK economy may have suffered some sort of cataclysmic event about five years ago.

Workers to be tested for traces of a soul

NEW technology will allow companies to check whether workers have traces of humanity in their system.

Apple HQ 'is giant ouija board'

THE Apple corporation's new HQ has been designed to channel messages from Steve Jobs.