Sports Direct staff ‘were told outside world would kill them’

EMPLOYEES of Sports Direct were encouraged to believe the outside world was a toxic wasteland in which they would quickly perish.

John Lewis staff announce favourite sexual positions

JOHN Lewis staff will tell customers how they achieve sexual bliss, in a bid to boost Christmas sales.

Petrol set to drop to just 550 per cent of the price of oil

THE price of petrol has plunged to less than six times the price of the oil it comes from for the first time in a decade.

Man launches Kickstarter campaign to buy himself a pint

A MAN is hoping to raise enough money to buy himself a pint in Covent Garden.

Friday afternoon work to be replaced with art classes and PE

ALL work done on Friday afternoon is to be replaced by an art class or physical exercise.

House prices to rise further, except in shitholes

HOUSE prices are rising so fast that home ownership is only possible in shitholes, say experts.

Everything on Black Friday costs your soul

THE price of any item reduced on Black Friday is whatever it says on the label plus your very soul, retailers have agreed.

'We earn £190K a year. Should we sell a child so we can buy another flat?'

The sheer cost of middle-class life in London means they can only afford one large house and one buy-to-let flat.