THE near collapse of the UK banking system had nothing to do with the piece-of-shit regulations that govern it, chancellor Alistair Darling will claim today.
In his annual speech at the Mansion House the chancellor will insist that nothing bad will ever happen again as long as everyone makes the right decisions all the time.
Mr Darling will tell Britain's financial bosses: "In future, when the head of the FSA makes a decision I want him to ask himself, 'is this the right decision, or is it the wrong decision?'. I don't see how that can possibly fail."
But experts said the chancellor's comments once again raised the serious question of whether the Labour Party wants us all dead.
Economist Bill McKay said: "The system went into meltdown without any of the regulations being broken at any time whatsoever. Therefore, you might expect the person in charge of the regulations to at least wonder if they're the right ones."
He added: "Alistair Darling is really starting to frighten the shit out of me."
Tom Logan, banking analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "Put it this way, if the speed limit is 70 then you're going to assume it's okay to drive at 70. And who sets the speed limit? I'll give you a clue – it's not the Royal Bank of Scotland."
He added: "A good example is the credit rating system which gave so-called 'toxic-assets' a triple-A rating when they were, in fact, just a load of manky old shopping bags filled with bottles of piss.
"And it's also quite difficult for the head of the FSA to make the right decisions when the government is telling him to lay off so that everyone can have 18 credit cards and feel good about themselves.
"When, in the name the fuck, is the general election?"
