Ryanair unveils flimsiest ever price hike justification

GROUND-breaking budget airline Ryanair has unveiled the industry’s flimsiest every bullshit excuse for a price rise.

Some shit about volcanoes or something

The whingeing, sky-based hellhole said it would have to add £2 to ticket prices because of some EU ruling about volcanoes and winter.

Industry analysts said it was yet another game-changing manoeuvre from the business which finds up to 137 different ways a year to charge people more money for doing less, while ocassionally flying them to the country they actually want to go to.

Nathan Muir, from Madeley-Finnegan, said: “It’s the carried-away-on-the-breeze flimsiness of these excuses that leaves their competitors flailing.

“Whether it’s the shoe charge, the not being punched in the face charge or the paying the wages of some poor Filipino to empty out the big tank full of piss and shit charge.”

But beleaguered flyer Jane Thompson, said: “There’s always some fucking ‘reason’ isn’t there?

“How’s about you just tell me how much it costs and let me make my choice without boring me with the details of your latest pissy-fit with some bureaucrat you appalling, money-grabbing little tosspot?”

Ryanair chief executive Michael O’Leary said: “The European Union, in its wisdom… hey, shut up I’m making an important point here.

“The European Union, in its wisdom… where are you all going? Come back and listen to what I have to say.

“You’re ruining my price increase!”