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SHARES IN YOU PLUNGE 82 PER CENT |
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SHARES in you plunged 82 per cent yesterday leaving you vulnerable to a takeover from some dirty Spanish bastard.
 Enrique intends to strip your assets
Concerns have also been raised about your over exposure to sub-prime REM albums and your ability to repay the £250 you owe Arkan the coke dealer.
In a statement to the Stock Exchange you said: "We remain confident we can persuade Mr Arkan to restructure our drug debts even though it may cost us a toe.
"If not, we can always get bar work or pay 'Fucknut' Frankie Thomson to make our parents die in a freak accident which does not involve the destruction of any of their valuable property."
However, Julian Cook, who analyses you at Donnelly McPartlin, said: "Your assets include numbers one to 24 of Now That’s What I Call Music, excluding 7 and 13. That's not bad. You also have a novelty smoothy maker.
"But you have made some very poor strategic investments recently including £200 on a mobile phone that makes you look like a tit and £150 on a vibrating egg."
He added: "Without short term recapitalisation you will be forced to bend over as the oleaginous man with the paella breath smears olive oil into your buttocks and unzips himself."
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