Some people 'getting the broadband speed they pay for'

27-07-10

Various

A FEW people in Britain are getting the broadband speed that was in the advert, according to new research.

Regulator Ofcom found that as many as 37 people, mostly in London, are receiving speeds of up to 20 megabytes and can download an entire film in less than the average lifespan of a cat.

Stephen Malley, a telecoms analyst at Porter, Pinkney and Turner, said: “Over a decade ago BT launched an ambitious rolling programme to dig up thousands of British roads to install fibre optic cable, before waiting for two weeks and then digging them up all over again and removing it.”

But Malley said an administrative error meant that some of the fibre optic cable was left in place, resulting in more than three dozen people who had no need to call a helpline at £2.50 a second or be ground into whimpering submission by BT’s Utter Fucking Bastard Department.

The UK telecoms industry has now pledged to rip out the last few remaining yards of fibre optic cable and replace it with a load of stretched-out coat hangers.

A spokesman for BT Openreach said: “These coat hangers are made from top quality Bulgarian tungsten and can run up to three bingo sites at the same time.”

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