Stockmarkets Running Out Of Underpants
FINANCIAL institutions across the globe last night urged the US to agree a bail-out package, warning they are down to their last four pairs of useable underpants.
With traders soiling themselves every time the headlines change on the BBC website, offices in New York and London are now dangerously awash with urine.
Bill McKay, facilities manager at City brokerage Madeley-Finnegan, said: "It's soaked right through the carpet."
He warned the entire financial system was on the brink of collapse, not because of liquidity problems, but because the wiring is 'absolutely drenched'.
"I was called out at 3am after a small electrical fire broke out on the fourth floor. I took one look and thought, 'stockbroker piss'.
"We tried putting down newspapers but they just read the headlines and piss themselves all over again."
McKay added: "I was talking to one broker when a car alarm went off in the street. Within seconds there was a large damp patch spreading slowly across his groin.
"We've turned the first floor coffee lounge into an emergency laundrette, but for every clean pair we send out there's two dirty ones coming in."
Last night the Bank of England urged brokers to hold it in or at least keep a bucket under their desk.