the dailymash

With Asda banning all forms of cake-based nudity, its rivals are filling the gap in the market with a range of pornographic frosting options.

Tesco, Britain's largest supermarket, has launched a series of special offers, which they claim will make it easier than ever for consumers to put graphic sexual images on a cake.

A Tesco spokesman said: "If it's your wife's birthday, why not surprise her with your balls on a lemon sponge?

"Or treat your best friend to a chocolate gateaux showing him being fellated in Amsterdam by that really lovely girl who turned out to be a man.

"We're also doing a walnut and coffee arse cake and a three breasts for the price of two, office party special."

Meanwhile Sainsbury's is offering to recreate scenes of tasteful nudity for £5, using free range eggs, while Morrison's is giving customers a free cake with every order, showing a nude Alan Hansen posing with a set of bagpipes.