Trader may have been acting in own self-interest

27-09-11

THERE is a chance the scary trader on the BBC News may have been acting selfishly, it has emerged.

Goldman Sachs HQ: Someone in this building is currently deciding the colour of your eyes

Alessio Rastani said stockmarkets were ‘toast’, the Eurozone rescue package would fail and that in 12 months your savings would be wiped out, in a move that experts said was clearly about making a colossal amount of money by lunchtime.

The trader, who does not get invited to a huge number of parties, also left millions of viewers traumatised with the revelation that financial markets do not care about them.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Rastani has obviously built up significant positions in panic, paranoia and Mad Max futures, but the emerging Eurozone deal could have knocked at least 12% off their value.

“Therefore he had no choice but to go on television and tell you that you were going to die. I’m only surprised he didn’t put an unloaded pistol to his head and pull the trigger.”

Martin Bishop, fear analyst at Madeley Finnegan, said: “Rastani has already driven fear prices up 6%.

“And this is top quality, long-term fear because it comes from an expert who everyone knows is a total shark but also has no idea whether or not to believe him and so will inevitably just do exactly what he says.”

Meanwhile Rastani also claimed that ‘Goldman Sachs, not governments, rule the world’ leading to an explosion in online I-told-you-sos from amateur experts who have been saying this sort of thing in pubs for years.

But Roy Hobbs, professor of simplification at Roehampton University, said: “With all due respect to Goldman Sachs, it’s actually run by a complex network of bastards.

“Or do Goldman Sachs pay me to say that? You’ll never know.”

 

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