Tragic bastards somehow nostalgic about Safeway

PEOPLE who feel nostalgic about an old supermarket brand have been told to get a f**king grip.

After it was announced that Safeway supermarkets are to return, experts confirmed that nobody should have warm feelings about a supermarket chain that closed in 2005 unless they are a strange type of moron.

Retail consultant Norman Steele said: “It’s good that people are pleased about Safeway returning in some form, but for their own sake I’d advise them to get a fucking life.

“Perhaps they have cherished memories of buying chilled chicken breasts and two-for-one bottles of Ajax. But it’s basically a big unfeeling building full of meat and vegetables.”

Office manager Nikki Hollis said: “I used to love shopping at Safeway in the early 1990s. I was young and in love then and life was so full of promise. Plus the mince was very cheap.

Electrician Tom Logan said: “I’ve got a Facebook page called ‘Memories of Safeway’ where we reminisce about things like Heinz minestrone soup.

“When I went there as a child with my parents there was definitely a full-sized magic castle next to the sliced ham.”