UK economy running as mysteriously as a 1993 Vauxhall Nova

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.  

The Bank of England has confirmed that the UK economy is still running fine, that Christ alone knows how, and that nobody is allowed to mess with it.

Chairman Mark Carney said: “You know those cars where if you wind the window down, the radio suddenly comes on? That’s us right now.

“There is no way on earth inflation should have come down. Maybe there’s a short-circuit between that and the exchange rate. Maybe it just does it on its own now.

“Seriously it’s a miracle something this ancient and patched-together works at all. I’m afraid to look closely in case I disturb the magic elves and it suddenly collapses into a pile of rust and bright orange paint.”

He added: “Still, with the money we’ve saved running this thing on the cheap for so many years, I’ll bet there’s loads saved up to get a really nice new one.”