We insist on only the finest French champagne, say Wetherspoons’ aristocratic customers

ARISTOCRATS who drink at Wetherspoons have threatened a boycott after the chain revealed it will no longer sell the fine French champagnes they demand. 

The customers, who include lords, ladies, baronets, earls and several minor royals, are outraged at the chain’s new policy to substitute genuine champagne with English sparkling wines. 

Richard Scott, the 10th Duke of Buccleuch and Queensberry who owns 240,00 acres of England and Scotland, said: “I fear my daytime sessions with the regulars at The Saxon Crown in Corby may be over. 

“They really are a wonderful group of chaps, especially Mad Lil, but without my pints of Moet & Chandon I shall have to take my business elsewhere.” 

Viscount Alexander ‘Orly’ Lascelles agreed: “If no Piper-Heideseick brut is available, then myself and the rest of the Leeds United Service Crew will be forced to find somewhere else to quench our thirst before big games. 

“Pity. Wetherspoon had such a marvellous atmosphere. Reminded me of the dinner hall at Eton.”