Windows 7 Users Complain Over 'Black Screen Of Being Conned Out Of Two Hundred Quid'
MICROSOFT have admitted that some users of its new Windows 7 operating system have been confronted with the dreaded 'Black Screen of Paying £200 for Something That Doesn't Work'.
'Hello? Have you seen my money?'
Users say the 'Black Screen of Falling For This Shit Again' appears shortly after start-up, followed by a ghostly image of Bill Gates cackling like a loon.
Meanwhile there are also reports of system compatibility issues as many users find that owning a useless CD-rom and a cardboard box is incompatible with not having £200.
The company said the fault had been caused by 'suckerware' and assured worried customers that they would be stuck with it for at least the next three years.
IT expert Tom Logan said: "The problems begin with the jaunty start-up jingle that suggests the arrival of a Zen Buddhist with a basket of chocolate muffins and an oily back rub. Instead you get a medley of increasingly confusing pop-up messages you could never hope to understand about things that are not your fault.
"Interestingly, the wallpaper shows the Windows logo festooned with fir trees and butterflies when it really should depict a spattering of brain matter and desperate tears."
A Microsoft spokesman said: "We spent five years and $350million developing a system that would make it really easy for us not to give you your money back.
"Windows 7 was designed to have the intuitive feel of us hiring a thug to beat the shit out of you, getting you to pay the bill and then sending you a report listing which bones could have been broken better.
"It's actually rather exquisite."
