World’s first heterosexual lolly launched

ICE lolly manufacturers have responded to demand for a product that in no way resembles a cock.

This could be construed as suggestive

The Grit Block was created in response to male heterosexuals who wanted to enjoy a lolly without feeling they were basically eating a penis.

The new product is a grey cube on a stick, with embedded gravel for a ‘more manly flavour’ and a picture of Jason Statham on the wrapper.

A spokesman for manufacturers Walls said: “This lolly is so red-bloodedly male that it is practically a sex pest.

“The unique, perfectly square shape means that it doesn’t have a shaft. Research shows that anything taller than it is wide basically looks like an erection when being sucked.

“Or course we will continue to make the class phallic lollies – Twister, Calippo and Mini Milk.”

He added: “Usually when manufacturers try to make a hyper-masculine product it somehow ends up seeming super-gay.

“That’s why we’re thrilled to have Jason Statham promoting it.

“He’s straightness personified, especially the way he wrestles that other guy in The Transporter in a big pool of oil, with his shirt off.”