85% OF MEN HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REACT TO HELEN MIRREN IN A BIKINI

THE majority of British men were in a state of extreme confusion last night after seeing photos of 63 year-old Helen Mirren in a bikini.

So where does she put her bus pass?

The Oscar winning dame was pictured frolicking by the sea in Italy, showing off a body that makes Eva Longoria look like a saggy, withered old hag.

Clad in a skimpy, red two-piece that showed off her tight stomach, slender thighs and still lively breasts, the star of The Queen and Prime Suspect, gave herself a right good soaking in the warm, sensual waters of the Adriatic, before popping her teeth back in.

She then stretched her firm body on the rocks to bask in the sunshine while reading a book about prunes.

Wayne Hayes, a 33 year-old from Exeter, said: "I'd do 'er. I'd do 'er all flippin' night. Oh bollocks, she's older than my mum."

Forty-one year-old Roy Hobbs, from Cleethorpes, who watches Mirren in Excalibur at least six times a day, said: "Yes, well, crikey. She's a lovely, mature woman. Extremely talented. Jolly good."

He added: "If you'll excuse me, I have to go and watch Excalibur."

Julian Cook, 25, from London, said: "To be honest with you, I fancied her in The Queen.

"I don't want to make some crude remark about pearl necklaces, but yes, I totally would have."

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