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ANT AND DEC SWEEP BOARD AT COMMON PEOPLE'S TV AWARDS |
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GEORDIE simians Anthony and Declan were the chief recipients at last night's Common People's Television Awards.
 An inevitable result of the comprehensive system
The annual awards are a celebration of the best in British entertainment enjoyed by people who drink directly from the can.
The Newcastle-born Roman Catholics received rosettes for their programmes I'm A Celebrity...And That's All and The Saturday Night Abomination.
They were also chosen as Great Britain's Least Appalling Variety Entertainers.
Dr Who? the BBC's contribution to scientific fiction, received a prize for the Show With The Greatest Number of Ooohs and Aaahs.
The programme's principal actor, David Tennant, a Glaswegian, said: "Ahm totally fuckin' chuffed tae bits byra way and ahm gonna get totally pished up noo and start a rammy."
Ms Jemima Skank, an actress in The Eastenders, was named Woman Who Will Do Things Your Wife Finds Disgusting, while Jeremy Clarkson, a Yorkshireman, collected a certificate for Man Your Dinner Party Guests May Find Amusing.
The lavish ceremony included more than 200 cases of Jacob's Creek, chicken gujongs with a spicy Mexican dip and After Eight mints.
Each guest received a complimentary copy of You've Been Framed in the Most Ghastly Fashion.
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