Celebrities ‘may be fallible’

COMMENTS by actor Bill Roache have led the public to question the infallibility of celebrities.

The Coronation Street stars remarks on victims of sexual abuse have raised the possibility that celebrities may not be 100% right about everything all the time.

Office worker Tom Logan said: Normally Id unquestioningly believe everything celebrities tell me.

“But Im having difficulty with the suggestion that terrible things happen to us because of what we did in past lives, due to a nagging suspicion it may be utter cock.

Whats worrying is that if a soap actor is wrong about the karmic cycle of rebirth, maybe other celebrities are wrong about things.

What if Jeremy Clarkson is wrong about foreigners and the environment? That would mean I shouldnt have run over that Frenchman in my 4×4.

Or what if the Spice Girls were wrong when they said that if you believe in yourself you can achieve anything? Does that mean Im never going to be an astronaut and have space sex with Lucy Pinder?

Suddenly the world seems a very dark and lonely place.

Marketing manager Nikki Hollis said: If Tom Cruise is wrong about Scientology, then thetans and the galactic dictator Xenu might not exist and Ill have spent the last 10 years paying a fortune to fill my head with rubbish.

Frankly Id expect a more rigorous approach to metaphysics from the star of Top Gun.

Shop assistant Donna Sheridan said: I hope all those celebrities werent wrong about lip enlargement and tattoos. Because now I look like a carp that someones scribbled on with a black marker pen.

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
I can see clearly now the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. But I should still get that windscreen wiper fixed.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
As an up-and-coming bishop, youre gutted when the Pope uses one of your blessings in a Mass. Now people will think you nicked it from him.

Taurus (20 APRIL 20 MAY)
Your latest project involves Russell Brand and James Corden completing a number of increasingly arduous and dangerous tasks. What television program?

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Your theories on the non-linear nature of time are insufficient to avoid your KFC line manager bollocking you for lateness.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
To bolster the masculinity you feel wearing your Jack Wolfskin coat, you buy yourself a pair of Fist Hammerbastard boots.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
Your nan fails to thank you this week for the sweater you get her with the Do Not Resuscitate logo.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Friendship isnt measured by how long youve known each other, how many laughs youve shared or how many times theyve caught you when you fall. Its by how much platitudinous bullshit youll take off them.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
Your life is halfway to becoming a romantic comedy as youre often meeting women who take an instant dislike to you.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
This week you put your hands in the air but find it hard to wave them like you just don’t care because it’s in the context of a bank robbery.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Your parents did a terrible job raising you. What? Wolves, you say? Oh, fair enough.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Your growing maturity this week means you look at a pack of Blacksticks cheese in the supermarket and dont immediately say the word fucksticks out loud.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Scratch away this section of your computer screen to reveal this weeks hidden horoscope.

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